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Welcome to Recreational Youth Soccer Association where here in Koh Samui we hope to provide you and your group with a fabulous new holiday experience.

Football Golf is a challenging activity that is great for family and friends because rather than participating individually one by one, this game gets you and your friends playing, laughing and enjoying the holiday fun together.
With bigger holes and footballs instead of golf balls, it's quite simply a new funner version of golf that not only promises you a unique experience but also the perfect opportunity to take a break from the beach. 

The course has been designed so that any level or ability can play competitively and have laugh-out- loud fun at the same time.
However, even if you don't break the course record, you can still enjoy a pleasant walk in the swaying palms and wander around one of old Samui's beautiful coconut plantations.

So just come along and kick the football into each of the 18 holes on this course, the first and only of it's kind in Asia, and you'll soon be dying to tell your friends back home about this great new game.
No experience or equipment is necessary. Just bring your biggest smile and your loudest laugh......you're going to need them!

JUST FOR FUN

Below we have provided you with an alternative guide to Thailand and Koh Samui which we hope will leave you laughing and put you in the right frame of mind for your visit to the Land of Smiles.

The Recreational Youth Soccer Association Guide To Holidaying On The Island of Koh Samui

TRADITIONS
The official province motto of Koh Samui is “FOUR!!!! Mind your head!” an old expression used long ago by the local population in the coconut plantations as a warning to people in danger of being hit on the head by a falling coconut. Now and then local people often still bandy about this old phrase, but these days the “FOUR!” is followed by ‘…HUNDRED BAHT NO TURN ON TAXI METER!”.

SHOPPING
There are two major schools of thought when it comes to shopping in Koh Samui. The woman’s school of thought and the man’s. The woman’s method involves maximizing room for cheap shoes and handbags on the return plane home by arriving in Koh Samui wearing only a piece of string and two small stickers, while at the same time reluctantly carrying a bottle of shampoo. Recreational Youth Soccer Association Top Tip For Men: Bravely purchase no more than six DVD’s (320g), items that conveniently fit inside handbags and down the sides of shoe boxes.  

SAFETY
When crossing the main ring road in Koh Samui remember the 4 easy steps of the Recreational Youth Soccer Association traffic safety code.

1) Don’t drink any Beer Chang the night before as you won’t even make it past the curb.

2) Stop at the curb, Look around for oncoming traffic, Listen ( in case the ice-cream van is around- you are on holiday after all) and then Pray, preferably in two major religions.

3) When a gap appears in the traffic calmly and carefully sprint across the road to the other side at speeds upwards of 700mph.

4) Kiss the curb on the other side in gratitude to the Lord Buddha for granting a safe passage, then Pray again (in all five major religions) for your Gran still stuck on the other side.

SIGHTSEEING
No trip to Koh Samui is complete without a visit to the ancient Grandmother and Grandfather rock formations at Lamai beach. When hearing of the names, some people expect to see rocks in the shape of false teeth and a walking stick but are in fact greeted with perfect formations of the human genitals. One rock sculptured in the shape of a woman’s vagina and the other in the shape of George Bush.

NIGHTLIFE
If your accompanied by a teenage son and are presented with a familiar dilemma common for many a parent on holiday in Koh Samui, you will need advice on what to do concerning Go Go Girl bars. This Sami Football Golf text book answer will help all Fathers on holiday who may encounter this problem.

Dad: “Ok troops where do you wanna go tonight?

Son: (Age 11)‘Can we go to a go go girl bar dad?

Dad: “Hey son those days have gone gone , that’s never gonna happen, no way, not in a million years. How about a game of crazy-golf instead?”

Son: (Now Age 12 and rapidly approaching puberty at the speed of light since coming to Koh Samui,) Nah come on Dad! Whattabout, a girly show!

Dad: Ahhhhh O.k. son you win, let’s get some receipts from crazy golf first to show your Mum tomorrow.


ACTIVITIES
For something wacky, new and fun, try either the Samui Waterball or Recreational Youth Soccer Association. Going inside the Waterball is the closest you’ll ever be to being back inside your Mum. They put you in a ball, throw in some buckets of water and then roll you down the hill at 20pmh. Recreational Youth Soccer Association Top Tip: If you are afraid to go inside the ball, ask for a discount and see if you can run in front of it instead. This MGM studios Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark experience can be a fulfilling and rewarding experience but you must deposit your plane ticket at the reception, so someone can use it later.

MOSQUITOES
In a typical evening in Koh Samui you will be regularly confronted by swarms of blood sucking vampires, also affectionately known in the guidebooks as mosquitoes. These little pests don’t really have any toes but do have giant syringes strapped to their heads and will attempt to suck out the very substance that supports life in all of us on holiday; Beer.

Recreational Youth Soccer Association Top Tip: Buy a plastic squatter, take it out during the evening and squat anything that moves around you, including persistent tailors who have now developed resistance to many forms of drugs and also all forms of “No Thankyou”. Note conversation below

Tailor: Excuse me Sir….

You:    SPLAT!!!

Tailor: Excuse me Sir. Would you be liking a……

You:   SPLAT!!! SPLAT!!!

Tailor: ………….liking a suit?

You:    SPLAT!!! SWOOSH!!! SPLAT!!!

Tailor: Never mind Sir. It seems you have been broking my nose.


THAI BOXING
If you’ve been in Koh Samui for about thirty seconds, you’ll already have heard the noisy advertising trucks driving around the island trying to catch tourists attention for Thai boxing, while at the same time attempting to avoid incoming rocket fire.
The truth is, such elaborate marketing isn’t necessary as there are usually packed houses eager and ready to watch the finest Bangkok champion against a “European Van Damme”.
The European contender is nearly always an unsuspecting Belgian or Dutchman found holidaying on the beach and dipping his fries into mustard, like all good citizens from that area.
They are then offered to participate in “The Amazing Thailand Mustard Competition” which involves answering a complex general knowledge question, such as What is the Capital of Belgium? If they’re correct, the participant is taken off to the “Chaweng Convention Centre”, where they are told in front of a blood thirsty crowd to get on the “stage” and collect their prize of a years free supply of mustard from the friendly local guy who is wearing only blue shorts, a white head band and a with serious circulation problem in his hands. Recreational Youth Soccer Association Top Tip: Don’t put mustard on your fries in Koh Samui! 

CULTURE
Take a trip to see the preserved Mummified Monk, an attraction named by UNESCO and Recreational Youth Soccer Association as one of the seven unnatural wonders of the world. The timeless look of the monk has been wonderfully preserved through the use of Rayband sunglasses, which makes him look 15 years younger, and also Formaldehyde, which makes him look like Michael Jackson. 

NATURE
For people who are quite happy to spend their time staring at greenery engaging in photosynthesis, Koh Samui is ideal for this and can often leave nature lovers so giddy with excitement that they just want to roll around in the exotic hotel gardens pig-like and naked instead of sunbathing on the beach. There are also thousands of square kilometers of jungle inland in which do this but be careful as there are monkeys in there which might climb up your leg and grab hold of your “coconuts”. Recreational Youth Soccer Association Top Tip: On excursions to the jungle, people have been known to dehydrate to death within three minutes of turning off the car air conditioning system, so always take Nivea moisturising lotion with you and apply at least eight bottles a day.

Thailand - Facts At A Glance

Population

65 million

Teeth

9,600,000,000 Zillion

Government

Sundays 10a.m - 4p.m

Unit Of Currency

fruit

Temples

Yes

Language

Similar to dialect on movie Apocolypse Now

Economy

Short time 300 baht

Imports

backpackers and cars

Exports

Wasted, poor, scruffy looking young Europeans and rice

Weather

December – February
HOT! HOT!
(Sandra Bullock)

March - May
HOT HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!  (Angelina Jolie)

June- September
HOT HOT HOT!
(Kiera Knightley)

October - November
------
(Hilary Clinton)

Our Favourite Quotes From The World Of Football, Golf and Football Golf

“I’m the best at Golf. I just haven’t played yet”
Muhammed Ali

“I definitely want Brooklyn christened, but don’t know into what religion yet”
David Beckham

“I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and cars. The rest I just wasted”
George Best

“I’ve given up drinking. But only in my sleep”
George Best

“What I said to them would be unprintable on the radio”
Gerry Francis

“The west stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day”
Chris Jones

“If you don’t believe you can win there’s no point getting out of bed at the end of the day”
Neville Southall

“The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bagpipes and called it music”
Unknown

I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyones’s golf game. It’s called an eraser.”
Arnold Palmer

“Is my friend in the bunker or is the bastard on the green”
David Feherty

“The secret to missing a tree is to aim straight at it”
Michael Green

“I’m sorry George Best couldn’t be here with us tonight. He was launching a ship in Belfast and couldn’t let go of the bottle”
Tommy Docharty

Golf is a game in which you yell fore, hit six and write down five.”
Paul Harvey

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel"
Stuart Pearce

“If you are caught on a golf course and are afraid of lightening, hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron”
Lee Travino

“You can make a lot of money in Golf. Just ask my ex wives”
Lee Travino

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed as black pimps”
Tiger Woods

‘Last night thieves broke into the Manchester City trophy room and the entire contents were stolen. Police are looking for a man with a light blue carpet”
Bernard Manning

‘The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can’t see him laughing’
Phyllis Diller

Chatting to Dante Walker(Age 9) from Jersey, at Recreational Youth Soccer Association

Recreational Youth Soccer Association: Do you play golf then?
Dante: Yeh I played on the Santaburi Golf Course the other day at Maenam beach.
Recreational Youth Soccer Association: That’s a difficult course, what did you go round in?

Dante: I went round in a little buggy with a caddy.


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